


my insecurities, not yours

by iridessung



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Hwang Hyunjin is a Good Friend, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Post-Break Up, Producer Bang Chan, Producer Seo Changbin, Rating May Change, Strangers to Lovers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27773923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iridessung/pseuds/iridessung
Summary: Chan wonders why he's drawn to Changbin sometimes. Maybe it's the way he huddles closer during a particularly cold night in his studio, the way the opened files of their songs that they've been working on together on display yet both of attention their onto each other. Or how there seems to be a layer of vulnerability lacing his voice whenever he asks if Chan really meant it when he's called him beautiful multiple times under the moonlight, wrapped around each others' arms at midnight. All he knows is that he means it every single time and that he'll never get tired of saying it.Or,Changbin feels like a fever dream to Chan. They crash and burn, and realize.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Kim Seungmin, Bang Chan/Seo Changbin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi! welcome to my first chaptered fic. i am honestly nervous but i'm more excited than so!  
> this is all gonna be unedited and i don't have a beta (yet maybe) so please take it easy on me haha :sweats:  
> this was supposed to be a song fic based on their song ex, but i got a bit carried away whoops.  
> title is a song from slclhd!
> 
> updates aren't gonna be that fast as i'm pretty busy right now but i will try to update asap :D
> 
> here's the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2AAnQmaOtqN7XATl7o7TCI?si=mVKC8iq7RzaMwcLJ2T9ISg) for this fic and here's my [twt](https://twitter.com/bins8ng) if anyone wanted to scream ab tropes w me!

This wasn't Changbin's usual scene, everyone knew that. They knew that Changbin would rather stay cooped up in his apartment fiddling with his laptop as he wrapped himself into a burrito with his favorite blanket. He also had work the next day, and he even knew how painfully lightweight he was and how he'd probably end up with a terrible headache in the morning. But despite all the reasons why he should not be drinking at his local club, he ends up going anyways. Clad in his worn leather jacket and his trusty ripped jeans, Changbin ordered a few drinks and drank in hopes of emptying his mind.

It didn't take a while for him to get a little buzzed. He attracted a few stares from the other patrons and even got a few people try to buy his next drink or have a chat with him but he paid them no mind, looking down onto his drink.

Changbin pondered, should he get another drink? A chuckle comes out of his dry chapped lips for even asking that question to himself as he asked for another shot of something. Gently smacking a few bills down, he rested his head onto the counter to relieve his dizziness after drinking way too much that his already lightweight body could take. 

The bartender offers him a shot of vodka and he raised his head to attempt to at least make some kind of eye contact with the man before downing it all in one go, feeling the familiar burn of alcohol sliding down his throat while he forces all the thoughts yet again getting rejected by all of those companies and feeling like he's proven his parents right when they said he'd never make it after he expressed his dreams after he graduated high school. Feeling worthless, he focused on his surroundings instead and looked at the small stage ahead of him. Instead of the shitty local band that was playing earlier, he noticed that there was a man standing there instead. 

  
  


A very, very captivating man.

  
  


Changbin absentmindedly got reminded of the setlist he saw at the front of the club, blurry memories of some DJ's name after the name of the local band popping up in his head. Things would've clicked if only he were a bit more sober, but unfortunately he was nowhere near that at this moment. The man in question was staring at his equipment with a piercing gaze as he tapped onto keys as he made beats while he held his earphones with his other hand, bopping his head to the rhythm he was making and occasionally making eye contact with the crowd. And he was, as drunk Changbin would say, ultra-mega fucking good. Stumbling his way closer to the stage, he found a table he could lean onto while he stared at the man dazingly. The music helped calm his heavily beating heart and buzzing nerves until he felt a bile coming up and frantically attempted to stand straight before half-stumbling and running to the bathroom and spilling his entire guts down to the nearest bathroom stall. Heaving, he used his last strength to at least flush his mess away before resting his head onto the toilet seat. Which he would definitely regret if he knew he did that the next morning, but now he just felt comforted by the buzz of the alcohol still running hot in his system and the sound of the music bleeding in from the outside.

  
  


Just when Changbin was about to get lulled to sleep, he felt a tentative tap on his shoulder and a gentle whisper, "Hey. Are you okay?” that stirred him awake. Cracking an eye open, he turned his head and blinked a few times and each time his blurry sight got clearer. He was met with jet black hair swooped to the side, strong eyebrows and slightly droopy eyes paired with plump lips and slowly he recognized the person to be the man he was admiring from the corner suddenly right in front of him. Adjusting his head, still against the toilet seat he broke out into a grin with his eyes still closed. "Yes, because I'm completely fine drinking my weight and spilling my guts at a public club toilet stall on a Thursday night. Definitely.” He snides before the latter snorts at him amusingly before retorting, “Ah, you've got a point there." The man crouches down to Changbin's eye level. "I'm Chan, do you need some help standing up?" Changbin does nothing but let out a low grumble of his name and a slight nod and Chan takes that as an okay sign to hold up one of his arms and put it over his shoulders to support his weight.  
  
  


  
The two make their way out of the bathroom and what meets them is the overwhelmingly loud music and the inaudible cheers of drunk people over the people that were performing on the stage. Legs still stumbling, Changbin squinted his eyes at the stage and found that the band that was performing earlier was back onto the stage and groaned. "Aw, man. You were so much better than them. You were so coolーlike woah. Wish it was your music playing instead." Chan lets out a startled laugh at the blatant way Changbin was complimenting him and mutters a sheepish thanks before adding, "You really should get home soon, Changbin. Want me to call an uber for you?"

  
  
  


Changbin who was staring into Chan's eyes after his mini ramble ended, didn't hear any single word except call and his brain to mouth filter failed him as he blurted out, "I want to call you." That makes Chan let out yet another startled laugh and that snaps Changbin out of his own trance and he finally realizes what just came out of his mouth. "I mean, fuck. Yes, please do." Chan is still laughing and he's leaning forward, supporting his weight by placing his hands onto his knees as he laughs his heart out and Changbin's not religious by any means but he almost swears that that's what an angel might've sounded like if he actually believed in them. He closed his eyes and smiled as leaned against a wall, his arm still over Chan's shoulder. If he were more sober maybe he could've heard Chan calling his uber ride and saw him scribbling his number onto an empty napkin and slipping it inside the pocket of his jacket. But instead he was too distracted by all the sounds and lights all around him which would've sounded silly to him since how could you be distracted by anything else when Chan is right here?

  
  


The last thing Changbin remembers is him being led inside a car and stumbling inside his apartment and passing out on his couch, a smile still on his face and all worries forgotten.

  
  
  


A throbbing headache and a burning feeling in the pit of his stomach is what wakes Changbin up at 9am. He cracks an eye open as he lets out a long groan while trying to focus his blurry eyesight on his ceiling. Slowly, memories from last night started creeping back up and so did the pain on his back from probably falling asleep on his stiff couch instead of his bed. He looks around to confirm and lets out another groan at the sight of his stiff couch's backrest on his left side. Instead of sitting up, he switched his gaze onto the ceiling and tried to remember how he even ended up like this and a pang of realization hits and now he wished he was passed out like he was just a few minutes ago.

  
  
  


One rejected mixtape after another, Changbin has been slowly growing more and more desperate. Music has always been a passion of his since he was a kid. It started off as a simple hobby and a great way to express his creative side, according to his parents until they started to notice how it escalated to more than just that. When asked what he wanted to do after high school, Changbin just simply said that he wanted to pursue a music and hopefully become a producer for artists and create hits after hits. His parents had strongly expressed their distaste in Changbin's choices, as expected. They tried to convince him to go to College and get a degree in something actually useful, but when he insisted that he doesn't want anything to do without music his mother snapped at him saying, "Fine. You go do whatever you want, you'll know what we mean that music won't get you anywhere very soon anyway.” The words stung in his chest, but at the same time also ignited a fire in him. He wanted to prove them wrong, wanted to see that he chose the right path for himself. Changbin knew he had the talent to make it big, he had a story that needed to be heard and he knew objectively how captivating his own music was. But after being rejected for multiple times by different record labels a row, he was starting to doubt himself and he hated how hard his mother's words were hitting him right at this moment.

  
  
  


Thinking back to all of that made his headache even worse, so Changbin decided to empty his mind and instead reach inside of his jacket pocket for his phone to check what time it was. When he was doing so, a small piece of paper was inside his pocket along with his almost dead phone. Instead of checking his phone he focused on the paper instead and noticed a number and what he assumes is a name written under it saying Chan. At the sight of the latter's name, memories from last night became clearer in his head. Cringing at his words from the night before, he decided to text him to let him know that he got home safely thanks to Chan. But that could wait for later.

  
  
  


Changbin decides to check the time instead, his brow rising at the numbers 9am on his phone screen. Now, Changbin was no morning person. But he wasn't a living vampire either, he'd usually wake up at least an hour before noon or right at noon during his normal days so he found himself being awake a whole two hours earlier than his usual waking time a bit strange. Surprisingly enough, he feels quite awake now despite the shorter amount of sleep he got and his throbbing headache that came with his hangover so he supposes it was pretty okay at the end. Waking up earlier meant that he also had more time to deal with the skull shattering pain and the feeling of his stomach being twisted before his shift at the diner near his neighborhood. He could feel his bones cry at his drunken choice of passing out on his couch out of all places, even the floor could've been better than the springy yet stiff surface of it. All of a sudden, the sore feeling of his muscles and burning sensation inside of his chest makes itself more apparent when he gets up from the couch.

  
  


Grabbing a towel from the towel rack in his small bathroom, he stripped himself from yesterday's clothes. Changbin felt a chill rush down his spine at the autumn temperature before hopping inside his bathroom, quickly turning on the hot water to warm his body. He took his time, eyes closed, standing directly under the shower stream as he let the heat soothe his sore body. With his eyes closed, his thoughts started running back to yesterday night. He recalled the alcohol, the blaring sound of music, the sweaty bodies and perfumes, _Chan_. Despite the mess that he was, Chan took care of him and even called an uber for him for the night. A smile crept into Changbin's face as he gently scrubs his body with his mint body wash, heart feeling warmer than the shower could ever make him feel at the thought of the dimpled man with the kindest eyes and soft curls with the contrast of sharp collar bones peeking out from his black silk shirt. 

  
  


His bathroom door opens after 20 minutes, the steam from the shower almost instantly fogging the windows and mirror. He dried himself quickly before slipping on his favorite black hoodie and plain jeans and made his way to the kitchen to heat up some soup for himself. He debated making some coffee, but he supposes he was already wide awake so he didn't need any for today. Settling himself onto a chair and placing his bowl of warm soup in front of him, he took a few sips and started to ponder about what he was gonna text to Chan. Thinking about texting him made Changbin bite onto his lip anxiously, but he had to somewhat apologize and thank for last night. _Or maybe, you just want to have a reason to text him._ His brain supplies him but he ignores that thought and grabs his phone that was on the table beside his soup and typed in the number and set his contact name as simply Chan.

  
  
**Me**

hey, this changbin from last night.  
thanks for taking care of me, i got home safely after   
and sorry for my behavior too i was kinda gone haha   
  
  
After hesitantly sending his first message, he checked a few times for a reply while sipping on his soup but after about 5 times he decided to just leave his phone alone and instead focus on finishing his soup. He could be just still asleep, they were both out until late last night anyway. Changbin convinced himself to stop overthinking and reminded himself that it's only been 10 minutes since he's sent his message and Chan might've not even seen it yet so he had no reason to be so tense. Instead he opened his laptop instead to work on some music, frowning at the amount of work he's scrapped after being rejected so many times. Letting out a sigh, he decided to just organize his deleted files and call it quits and decided to just work on some of his more recent works later that night after his shift. He wasn't sure why all the rejection was bothering him so much. Changbin was doing pretty okay, getting to produce a few of some smaller groups' album side tracks there and there. But that wasn't enough for him, he felt like he needed to prove to everyone else that he was capable of doing what he said he was going to do and if Changbin was gonna do something, he would rather do it big. He needed to be accepted in a big recording label, or at least have a way to get his name out there so he could finally show what he's capable of in front of everyone that doubted his skills and hard work. But that was easier said than done, so he was working part time at a diner while raking in some royalty money from the few songs he's produced before. His parents have told him that he could always come back when he finally decided to change his mind and get into college instead, but that just spurred him to work even harder. Changbin didn't want to give in, no matter how much he struggled and how much he secretly missed his family. 

  
  


Hours and minutes passed by quickly and it was time to leave his house to walk to the diner. He didn't get much work done after all, he managed to clean his deleted files and arrange a few of his beats but that was about it. Unlocking his phone, he opened his Kakaotalk app to check if there were any replies, but after seeing there weren't any Changbin released a surge of air from his mouth that he didn't realize he had kept in. He shrugged his jacket on, ignoring the fact that the reason why he was so distracted could be because he was thinking of a certain dimpled guy.

  
  


Colorful leaves fell, the wind carrying them as Changbin walked through the streets filled with people going on about their day. There were a few groups of younger people that looked around his age talking animatedly while walking past him, An elderly couple walking their dog, A few people that were walking alone just like him. He wondered what they could be walking to, what they think about while walking. Were they on their way to meet someone? Maybe they were having a bad day? About a few too many questions pop up inside of his mind as he flickers his gaze around him. Sometimes he enjoyed observing people like this. His friend Hyunjin says he's a bit of a creep for doing it, but Changbin has always been way too curious for his own good anyways. It helped spark some inspiration for his songs too, so he could at least deny if someone ever says it's useless to keep wondering when he didn't even have the guts to actually ask them those questions he's been making up in his mind.

  
  


Hyunjin had called him a bit too quirky that one time he made a song about global warming all because of one thing he said last summer, during their last year of high school. Both of them sprawled over each other, they laid down next to each other Hyunjin's bunk bed despite the scorching hot weather. Sweat trickled down their skin as Changbin whined about Hyunjin's stingy parents always putting off actually fixing the AC as Hyunjin retorted by saying he shouldn't be the one complaining when he doesn't even live there, Hyunjin does. Changbin just whines more at that and attempts to push him off Hyunjin's bed, Hyunjin quickly grabbing on one of the bed poles and kicking one of Changbin's legs. "Don't you even dare try pushing me off my own bed again." He huffed, wiping at the sweat that was trickling down from his temples onto his neck. "Korea's so hot nowadays, maybe we don't even need imported bananas anymore. We could just grow them here ourselves instead." Changbin's lips quirked up as he pushed Hyunjin off his bed despite his earlier threats and scrambled to his school bag that was thrown off the floor haphazardly when he entered Hyunjin's room. As Changbin quickly took out his notebook where he usually wrote all his lyrics, Hyunjin lets out a frustrated groan before grumbling something about crazy musicians which Changbin completely tuned out at that point, way too focused in writing all his ideas down with his chicken scratch handwriting.

  
  


When he arrives at the diner, the place is so full even for a Friday noon that he does a double take. His coworker Jisung ushers him over to the kitchen for his apron and probably also so that Changbin could take his place and Jisung can finally take his break. Jisung has totally warmed up to him since he recently started working at the diner about a month ago. The younger has been shy and all nervous smiles whenever he approached Changbin during whenever they both had overlapping shifts, but completely opened up when he found out Changbin made music. "Hyung, you make music? You're so cool!" Jisung had gushed so much that it made Changbin feel a bit flustered, no one has ever been this enthusiastic about his music and be so vocal about it. Sure, Hyunjin supported him a lot as his best friend and complimented him whenever he liked something Changbin was making but he was used to teasing each other and making over the top comments about each other. This was different, it was the first time someone's ever expressed _admiration_ towards him. It felt good, he wasn't gonna lie. After Jisung saw him working on the finishing touches of his most recent mixtape after work, he couldn't stop asking him questions. About how he made his songs, all questions about his music. It was almost like he was a different person from the nervous and shy boy he knew from when they first met. Changbin wasn't complaining though, he answered all of his questions carefully with a small smile on his lips.

  
  


Later, Jisung reveals during their fourth time hanging out at their favorite coffee shop that he found Changbin a bit scary and that's why he used to always be careful around him. That makes Changbin frown and Jisung clicks his fingers loudly saying, "That's why! You always look so scary when you're not smiling. It was way worse before because I didn't know you." Jisung sips on his cup of americano before he continues, "However though, I know you're not really that scary. You just look like you want to punch people a lot of the time. Besides, you cry during scary movies." That earns him a kick to his shin and a lot of stares from the people around them due to Jisung's loud whine. They ended up becoming actually pretty good friends, Jisung learned how to set up music programs and make music for real from Changbin. Since then, he's grown a lot and enough to have made a few mixtapes himself.

  
  


The day goes by quickly since he takes over Jisung's place. The diner was busier than usual and Changbin was so busy tending to customers that he completely forgot about Chan and that he even texted him in the first place. So naturally when he opens his phone after removing his apron and stretching his limbs after walking around while balancing trays on his arm the whole day and sees a few notifications from him, he almost gets the shock of his life. After a few moments of staring at his phone, he pockets his phone deciding to reply to it when after he got home instead. It was already stark dark when he got out to the streets, the days getting shorter the nearer they got to winter. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he started walking home with a light jump to his steps.

**Chan**

Hey Changbin!

Sorry for the late reply I'm not really a morning person if you couldn't tell already haha

I'm glad you got home safely! And it's fine, it was a pretty.. interesting sight to behold indeed. I meant that in the best way possible though!

  
  


Changbin threw his keys onto the kitchen counter the moment he entered his apartment. He opened his phone and read through his notifications, burying his face onto his palms at Chan's message. Biting his lip, he paced around wondering what to reply before eventually sitting himself down on his couch. 

**Me**

hey chan! it's okay, i'm also a night owl myself so i understand

err about that.. i hope i didn't embarrass myself too much

He stared at the messages he sent and hoped they didn't sound too awkward and just when he was about to put his phone down, a notification from Chan stops him from doing so. Letting out a startled noise, Changbin opens their chat log once again.

**Chan**

So that makes both of us then, I guess.

No you didn't, we're still talking aren't we?

Clearly you did something right.

That makes Changbin's face heat up and look away from his phone. He must've been staring at his phone screen for too long because he gets another message from Chan and that takes him back to reality.

**Chan**

Sorry, was that too much?

**Me**

no! not it's fine don't apologize

i guess i was just a bit surprised

it's not everyday i get compliments like that

Especially from insanely attractive DJs, Changbin adds in his head.

**Chan**

Oh, how surprising! 

You deserve more compliments though. I mean it.

Something about that makes Changbin's heart warm. Maybe it's the words. Or maybe because it's Chan.

**Changbin**

shh stop, you flatter me way too much

have you seen yourself though?

you deserve compliments too, if not more than me.

They both continue to flirt aimlessly for the next hour like that, dancing around each other teasing sweet words. Chan didn't ask why he ended up wasted at the club all alone, and Changbin wasn't sure how he felt about that. Chan soon stopped replying and Changbin took that as a cue to order some takeout, eat said takeout and try to work on his new project after. 

  
  
  


With the dim light of his laptop as the only light source of his room, he sat slumped on his chair against his working desk as he clicked around trying to figure out which sample sounded better with the beat he had in mind. His frustration only grew further as he kept listening to sample after sample and not getting any single one that seemed like the right one. His back had started to hurt and he only notices that when he straightens his back to hear his bones cracking. Changbin glaces to the side of his screen and sees that he's been working for at least 5 hours yet has gotten nothing done. Letting out a sigh, he contemplated if he should just try to sleep instead even though he still felt restless even after feeling his body getting more and more tense after each second passed by. Or, he could take a short break and continue working for a bit more and hopefully have some progress on his song. Break it is, Changbin thought. He knew he'd just be wasting time, tossing and turning on his bed trying to fall asleep. Even though he knew he'd probably won't have anything done even if he continued working, but he pushed away that thought. He'd rather try.

  
  
  


Stretching his arms up, Changbin lets out a groan before grabbing his phone beside his laptop. He sees a few notifications, mostly from his apps. Within those few notifications were messages from both Chan and Hyunjin. He opened Hyunjin's message and furrowed his brow at the content of the message before closing out from their chat log. Hyunjin had asked about the results of his submission. Changbin knew that his friend meant well and that he just probably wanted to check up on Changbin as they haven't been hanging out much nowadays that Hyunjin had been pretty busy, but he didn't want to pull down the mood by saying the truth and worry Hyunjin even more than he probably does for him. He felt bad for leaving him on read, but he doesn't feel like dealing with that tonight.

  
  


He opens Chan's message.

  
  


**Chan**

Hey. Are you awake?

Changbin blinked at his phone screen before glancing at the time. It's past 1am, what could Chan possibly want from him?

**Me**

hey! yeah i am

what's up?

**Chan**

Sorry, I hope I'm not disturbing you

I don't usually do his, it's just that

I can't sleep

I don't want to bother my friends

And you said you were a night owl too like me so

**Me**

and you decided to bother me instead? lol

jk it's okay you're not bothering me at all

Changbin bit his lip. Staring at his unfinished song on his laptop before adding,

**Me**

want to call?

He anxiously waits for a reply, hoping he didn't overstep any boundaries but thankfully Chan replied almost right after.

**Chan**

Sure :)

His thumbs moved to call Chan before he could even start regretting his choices and waited for two rings before he heard a gentle voice from his phone speakers. "Hey." Changbin kept silent for a second, his nerves suddenly taking over him before letting out a raspy reply back. He cleared his throat, suddenly embarrassed how much he was showing Chan how flustered he actually was. Chan lets out a small laugh and it makes Changbin let out a small puff of laugh before they're both laughing together. It takes a few seconds for them to quiet down and Chan says, "Wow. that totally wasn't awkward at all, huh?" That makes Changbin snort while Chan continued,

"You beat me to calling you. Last night you said you wanted me to call, but you called first instead."

Changbin sputters at that and Chan laughs at him. 

"Oh god, don't remind me. I can't believe you remember that.”

His face heats up again as he remembers their interaction from yesterday night.

“I did, I wasn't as gone as you.”

You could basically hear Chan smiling through the phone, and Changbin can't help but let a grin appear on his own face as well.

Changbin's grin widens as he says, "Well, you could always call me instead.” 

"Thanks. I'll hold you onto that.” Chan retorts softly, his laughter already faded out. That makes Changbin frown slightly as he he hesitantly asks,

"What's up, Chan?” Changbin pursed his lips as he waited for a response patiently.

"Nothing, really. I just can't sleep.. very well. In general. Today's just been a bit rougher than usual.”

Changbin hummed in response, he gets it. He's not an insomniac per say, but he does get his fair share of sleepless nights and the frustration of not getting any sleep despite being tired physically and more oftentimes mentally as well.

"Do you want to talk about light stuff to get your mind off things?” He says gently and smiles when Chan hums in response.

  
  


They start talking about some of the interesting customers they get at Changbin's workplace, both of them judging this certain guy that pours ketchup on his fries then licking it off before eating said fries. Chan expresses his distaste, "You can't do that! It's gonna make your fries all soggy. Saliva sauce." Changbin lets out a high pitched giggle and they continue on talking about whatever comes into their minds. Throughout the whole thing, he learns that Chan's australian. Which explained his slight accent when he's pronouncing certain words, the way his tone goes up ever so slightly. He also learns that he's in his senior year of college, majoring in music composition and in the midst of trying to get his name out with his music and that he works part time as a DJ. Something like familiarity blooms in his chest, which almost urges him to say that he makes music too. His passion has been music all his life and it always will be. But a pang of self doubt rushes through his entire body as he remembers all those times he'd been rejected, being told he's not good enough no matter how much he tried. Chan was a music composition major, with a job that actually had to do with music. He was getting places soon, and Changbin was just here struggling to make ends meet while serving people plates of under seasoned pasta and barely selling songs. Instead, he redirected the conversation to what they were both like during their childhood. 

  
  


Chan immediately perked up at that as he started animatedly talking about his hometown in Sydney and how bad he missed how he used to wake up to the sounds of the beach hitting waves and the smell of salt. He told Changbin about his favorite memory of him going to the beach with his childhood best friend Felix right after school when he was still in elementary. Despite both of their parents strongly disagreeing due to the pouring rain, the young boys still insisted as they grabbed their bicycles and cycled to the nearest beach in the rain. However though, by the time they reached the beach the rain was already dying down. And when they both looked up and saw a faint rainbow, they both were very overjoyed and jumping around their bodies still drenched from top to bottom. Soon right after, both of their moms catched up to both of them and gave them a scolding before their moms gave in to the younger boys' sheepish smiles and drove them home to dry them off and made some fairy bread for them to snack on. Hearing about Chan talking with so much fondness in his voice made a smile make its way to Changbin's face.

"What about you, hm?"

That made Changbin blink his eyes startledly, before realizing that he's been silent except for humming acknowledgingly while Chan was talking about his memories. He hummed thoughtfully, before smiling at the memory that came up in his mind and finally closing his laptop shut and laying down on his bed. Changbin started talking about the first time he started practicing how to ride a bicycle with his mother and Hyunjin. Hyunjin had been bragging even before they started actually riding the bike saying he already could ride it because he was 'taller and more athletic than Changbin hyung.' Thinking back he would've probably questioned why he was even there in the first place if he already knew how to ride one, but he knew Hyunjin just wanted to be there for his first time riding a bike. Hyunjin bragging made Changbin feel even more motivated to ride the bicycle better than him. Gripping the handles of his brand new spiderman bicycle tightly with his little fists, he kicked off his feet before pedaling as fast as he could. He let out an excited giggle before he realized that his balance was off and that his bottom was slipping away from the saddle of his bicycle. He heard Hyunjin crying and running to his side before he even felt the tiny scrape he got on his knees after hitting the ground. With a sobbing and hiccupping Hyunjin wrapped around his chest, his mother ushered to him and asked him if he was okay. He should be crying as the pain was getting stronger the more his adrenaline started slipping away, but he couldn't stop smiling at Hyunjin and how warm he felt after realizing just how much he cared about Changbin.

  
  


"You've got a really cute friend." Chan said and Changbin let out a snort. "Yeah, he was cute before. Now he just exists to embarrass me in every situation possible, but he's fine sometimes I guess." Changbin said dismissively but he could tell Chan wasn't taking him seriously because he laughs so brightly that Changbin felt proud of himself for being able to make Chan laugh like that.

  
  


A comfortable silence envelopes both of them after Chan's laughter fades into the background. Changbin tried to think of something to say but turns out the comfort of his bed has come to him because he was failing to do so with his brain being fuzzy, finally starting to feel sleepy or maybe it's just because of Chan. Or both, in this case.

  
  


“You know,” Chan starts. "Tonight's been really nice.” 

Changbin was thankful to Chan breaking the silence, his face heating up significantly at his words. His face seemed to do that a lot with Chan.

"Yeah, it has been.” Changbin's voice was the softest it's ever been throughout all of his interactions with Chan.

"And I was wondering, y'know, if you were down to meet again.” Chan continued with a hint of nervousness showing through the way his voice wavered just a tad bit. It makes Changbin smile.

  
  


"Of course. Maybe without any alcohol this time though.” Chan snorts.

  
  


"Deal. Are you free on Sunday?"

  
  


Changbin makes a noise of approval at that. "Mhm. Maybe after my shift, around 7pm?"

  
  


"I'll pick you up after?” Changbin liked the sound of that.

"Okay. Goodnight, Chan.”

"Goodnight, Changbin.”

  
  


Changbin dropped his phone onto his bedside and fell asleep with a smile on his face, two nights in a row now.

  
  
  


Hyunjin came barging in way past noon the next day. Changbin had been making some finishing touches on one of his mixtapes while still in his sweatpants and old plain black shirt while Hyunjin was wearing all sorts of expensive brand clothing head to toe. He stood out like a sore thumb next to all of Changbin's mostly second hand furniture but it didn't seem like he cared one bit as he laid down on Changbin's couch, his long limbs stretched out. Changbin barely acknowledged him as he put on his headphones back on. After a few minutes though, Hyunjin must've been getting bored just laying down so he stood up and went right behind Changbin and placed his chin on his shoulders. "Hey, at least give your best friend some attention will you?” Changbin could basically hear the pout from his voice and he rolled his eyes good naturedly before taking his headphones off and turning around. "Yeah? Hyunjin. How was your shoot today? It was today, right?” He remembers Hyunjin telling him about a photoshoot with one of their local photographers that Hyunjin was very excited about. "It went amazing! The theme of the shoot fit me really well and they even let me take some photos for my portfolio.” A smile appears on Hyunjin's face instantly at the mention of the photoshoot and it makes Changbin feel fond of the younger. It was amazing to see people doing what they want. "That's great, Jinnie. I'm so proud of you.” He smiled and Hyunjin smiled even wider back before looking like he forgot something before flickering his expression into a slight frown.

  
  


"Wait, I didn't come here to talk about myself. Are you okay, Bin? I was really worried because you didn't reply yesterday. And the day before that.” Hyunjin looked at Changbin with a both concerned and stern face and Changbin looked away from him, turning back to his laptop with a guilty expression. "Sorry. I just didn't feel too well and you know how things go with me sometimes.” Hyunjin's expression softened at Changbin's words. "Mhm, just wanted to ask if something was up just in case. I'm always here, you know?" He patted Changbin's shoulders comfortingly before turning to sit on Changbin's couch. 

  
  


"Well. about that,” Changbin starts before turning his chair around and Hyunjin raised his eyebrows at him. “The mixtape I sent in got rejected. I should be used to it now, but.. I couldn't help but feel more insecure about myself." He licked his dry lips before continuing, "Like, what if my parents were right? What if I can't prove them wrong and I'd end up crawling back to them in shame?” Changbin was looking down nervously by the end of his sentence that he didn't see Hyunjin walking to him and crouching down to wrap his arms around him. 

  
  


"They're wrong, hyung. You work the hardest, and you're one of the most talented people I know. It's just taking some time, but I know that you out of people deserve recognition the most. You're the best, hyung. And I'm not just saying this because you're my best friend." Hyunjin adds the last bit as an attempt to cheer him up and it seemed like it worked because Changbin was looking up now with a soft smile on his face. "Thank you, Hyunjin." Hyunjin hummed before taking Changbin's hand and rubbing his thumb on his knuckles. “But where were you that night I texted you? I passed by your apartment to check on you but the lights were off. Were you out drinking alone again?" Hyunjin's words sounded like he was his mom and normally people would find it weird how much he cared about Changbin but it just was natural between them. Changbin wasn't good at taking care of himself and Hyunjin just cares a lot about the wellbeing of his friends, sometimes even to the extent of sounding like a nagging mom but Changbin is thankful to him for it. Changbin nodded, unable to lie to his best friend and Hyunjin lets out a small sigh. "You didn't drink too much? Did you get home safely?” Another nod. “I got home safely, don't worry. Someone got me an uber home.” 

  
  


That makes Hyunjin look at him questioningly and Changbin flushes. "He didn't take advantage of me or anything. He was really nice and he got me an uber and took care of me until the uber came.” The frown between Hyunjin's brows ceased a bit at that, still looking skeptical. "He wasn't a creep or anything?” Changbin hummed. “Yeah, I'm pretty sure. You don't have to worry." Changbin chuckles at his friend before placing a hand on his shoulder. "In fact, we're actually meeting again tomorrow.” Hyunjin has a sly smirk on his face after Changbin says that and it makes Changbin groan and push Hyunjin slightly, making him wobble down to the floor. "Oh, shut up. Weren't you just worried a second ago?” Hyunjin ignores him completely before standing up and chanting, "Changbinnie's going on a date!” Changbin grabs his indoor slippers, threatening to throw them at him while Hyunjin dashes away alarmingly. Changbin just huffs before flopping onto his couch.

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

The end of Changbin’s shift on Sunday comes fast. After exchanging plans, they both decided on getting coffee together at the cafe that Chan frequented during nights when sleep just can't seem to come to him. 

  
  


Just when he was about to take off his apron in the break room, Jisung comes barging in loudly and Changbin doesn't even spare him a glance until he stops right in front of Changbin and wiggles his brows at him. Changbin frowns. "What?" Jisung's shit eating grin widens. "Hyung, someone's looking for you. He says his name is Chan." He can't control his face from warming up at the mention of Chan's name and that makes Jisung cackle before Changbin huffs and pushes Jisung back to put his apron in his locker. "Not a word about this." Changbin sputtered out before Jisung could even say anything. He whined, "Why? I didn't even say anything!"

"But you were gonna say something." Changbin grumbles out.

"Okay, maybe. But hyung, where'd you meet that guy? Ooh, are you going out on a date?" Jisung questioned teasingly but Changbin slammed the door shut on his way out before he could even finish his sentence. 

  
  
  


Chan was standing at the side of the entrance, he looked the slightest bit nervous. It showed by the way he tapped his foot slowly as he bit his lip, turning it into a shade of deeper red than its natural flush color and it comforted Changbin knowing that he wasn't the only one feeling restless. He looked very soft despite wearing all black, with his oversized black hoodie and black pants. His soft curls were buried under a black cap and his slightly bigger than average nose was tinted slightly of red, probably due to the autumn night weather. He looked beautiful. He looked way less made up than the first time they met but Changbin thinks he might like him better this way.

  
  


As Changbin approached closer, Chan looked up and flashed a smile that showed his dimples as they met glances and Changbin felt his breath hitch slightly and _oh_ , his heart was threateningly close to jumping out of his chest with the way it's suddenly beating erratically.

  
  


"Hey!" Chan greeted him and Changbin almost can't feel his mouth moving but at least manages to say it back.

Changbin goes to stand next to Chan and smiles sheepishly. "I hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long, I had to tend for another customer and they were taking forever to pay." Chan just waves him off, smile widening and his dimples being more prominent just when Changbin thought his dimples couldn't get any deeper. "Ah, it's fine. You were barely late anyway. Shall we get going then?" Changbin nodded and Chan started leading the way to the coffee shop.

  
  


They walked side by side, with Changbin trailing slightly behind Chan. The sidewalk was narrow enough that their sleeves were touching and Changbin thinks that if he pressed their arms even closer he could probably feel Chan's warmth, but Changbin drops that thought before it affects him more than it probably should. Both of them walked in comfortable silence, which Changbin appreciated. He wasn't the best at making small talk, he found it hard to find topics to talk about. Although he doubts that he'd ever run out of topics to talk about with Chan, since it seems like that with how easy it is to talk to him. 

  
  


After only walking for about a few blocks, Chan gestured to a small coffee shop. It was dimly lit with warm lights and looked cozy with fluffy couches as seats. The scent of coffee welcomes the both of them as they open the door, that puts a smile on Changbin's face and he could tell it did the same to Chan because he's excitedly leading them to his usual table that's on the further corner at the back where it's the quietest. 

  
  


Changbin let himself sit comfortably on the seat facing Chan, back against the wall. "This place is really cool, you can use a tablet to order." And surely enough, there's a tablet placed on their table. Chan grabs it and positions it so that the both of them could see the screen. Chan leans in to properly scroll through the menu and Changbin does the same, their shoulders touching slightly.

  
  


When Chan turns to face Changbin, their faces are closer than they've ever been before and that makes Changbin lean back slightly. He could feel his cheeks warming up the same time he could count Chan's eyelashes if he wanted to. There was a lot to uncover, like how he noticed a cluster of faint freckles on Chan's cheeks that he hadn't known he had. "What do you usually get?" Chan hummed, Changbin appreciated him not mentioning anything about his flustered state before he turned his gaze back to the tablet. "I'll, um. I'll get a caramel latte?" Chan chuckles and nods, turning the tablet to face him and orders for the two of them.

  
  


When one of the employees comes with their order, there comes a slice of tiramisu cake along with their drinks and he looks at Chan questioningly to which he just grins and hands the girl that was serving them his card and that makes Changbin sputter. "Wait, I can pay." Chan tsks and slides the tiramisu cake to Changbin's side of the table, a cheeky smile on his face. "Shh. I invited you out. Just think of this as a thank you for hanging out with me. Besides, I already paid." That makes Changbin deflate before Chan reminds him that he could always pay for the next time and that makes him think. Will there be a next time? He really hopes there is.

Changbin stares at Chan's drink after and realizes that he didn't even order a coffee despite this place being a coffee shop. He didn't judge at all, everyone has different tastes but Changbin's staring must've been too obvious because that makes Chan smile sheepishly before saying, "I don't really drink coffee. Which is ironic, since I'm here almost every day of the week. I just like the atmosphere here. It's calming." He drops his gaze to his drink. "This is Chamomile tea, I drank it once because apparently it helps with uh, sleeping." He laughs silently. "It didn't really work for me, but I ended up liking the taste of it so now it's what I drink oftentimes when I'm here." Humming in response, Changbin grabbed a fork and took a small bite of the cake and smiled at the sweet flavor.

  
  


As Changbin shifted his focus onto Chan, he realized that Chan was smiling at him. It could be Changbin's eyes tricking him but he looked _fond_ of Changbin and that makes his cheeks warm as he deliberately tried to look for a change of topic to ease the atmosphere.

  
  


"So," he starts. "What did you do before this? No DJ gig tonight?"

Chan nodded. "Yeah. I usually only DJ on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Sometimes on the weekends when I'm not so busy making music."

  
  


"Oh, I see! Maybe I'll drop by to show some support, some time." Changbin grins.

  
  


"That'd be great! Let me know and I'll make sure to look for the prettiest boy in the crowd." Chan curled his lips into a teasing smile before it faltered and he looked at Changbin, his brows furrowed just the slightest bit.

  
  


"Am I allowed to call you that? Is that.. okay?" Chan is still looking at him and Changbin can't get words out because of what Chan has just said.

  
  


Chan, with a smile that could outshine even the brightest stars. Chan, who's only been kind and caring towards Changbin even under the bizarre circumstances they met under. Chan, with his striking contrast between the sharp lines and curly hair and droopy eyes that sparkled beautifully under the coffee shop's warm lighting. Changbin doesn't know how to act after having someone like that call him pretty, much less being called the prettiest boy in that particular club they met at.

Changbin stammered after he realized Chan's cheek turning redder as time progressed with him staying silent, unable to comprehend the compliment being said to him. "Uh, yeah. I don't mind it at all.. like yeah. I'm cool. With it, I mean." He inwardly cringed at his horrible attempt at sounding like he was not bothered at any way possible, sporting the same sheepish smile as Chan.

Chan lets out a breath of relief. "Oh, that's good."

He took a tentative sip on his cup of tea before continuing, "I've been wanting to call you that since I first saw you, drunk or not." Clearing his throat, he looked away. "But anyways, I was just working on songs. Just the usual."

"What do you usually do in your free time? You know I love music and all," Chan says. "But I haven't heard much about you. What stuff do you like?"

  
  


That makes Changbin think. 

  
  


He could just be honest and tell him that he was just like Chan, that he loved music but he loved making music even more. That he was an aspiring producer and dreamed of being heard by the entire world and being acknowledged by his skills and talent. 

  
  


But no, they were not the same. Chan was clearly talented, and was going places. Changbin's self confidence dropped the more he compared the both of them.

  
  


"Ah, I haven't told you but," Changbin manages a nervous smile. "I actually like making music, just like you too." Chan beams at him instantly and urges to ask him what kind of genre of music he liked to produce, about his favorite kind of music. Changbin then answered by saying that he liked to produce all sorts of music, he liked to try out new stuff and incorporate them into his music. They both bonded through finding out that the both of them liked EDM music unironically, to which Changbin laughed because _Oh, now it makes sense._ Chan being a DJ and all. 

  
  


Chan asks him after their laughters have died down if he were signed into any kind of label or if he were just a freelance producer and the feeling of dread settles its way back into the pit of Changbin's stomach.

  
  


"I'm a freelance producer, if you couldn't tell. I don't exactly _love_ serving people food for a living, but whatever makes the ends meet right?" Changbin mutters out dryly. He didn't want to look up to see Chan's face, already imagining how he's probably looking at him with pity.

"The night we met, you must've wondered why I was so drunk out of my mind," Changbin continued, his eyes still glued to his drink. "My mixtape got rejected again, and I know it's not surprising considering the music industry nowadays. It's hard to even have people _listen._ " His jaw clenched tighter and he could feel Chan's hand tentatively wrap itself around Changbin's own shaking one and rub circles on the back of his hand with his thumb. "But it's hard to keep believing in myself when it keeps happening over and over again, y'know? I just.. I just wish I could prove myself to everyone. And myself." He sucked in air deeply after and that's when the realization came of what he just said and revealed about himself to Chan.

  
  


Looking up, Changbin expected Chan to have some sort of pity on his face or maybe regret for ever deciding to talk to someone so explosive like him. But what meets him is Chan with an understanding expression, warm eyes settling onto Changbin's shaking self as he continues rubbing small comforting circles onto the back of Changbin's hand. He didn't know what to make of Chan being so nice to him, even after he just spilled out all of his insecurities into the open like that for him. He didn't even know why he said all of that, he didn't want Chan's impression of himself to change into this version of himself that he didn't like.

  
  


Thoughts kept circulating around Changbin's head until Chan broke the tense silence between them. "Hey." Chan tapped Changbin's hand and caught his attention back from drifting away in his thoughts again. "It's okay. I've been there before, I understand how it feels." Chan shifts and Changbin feels the tension release from his shoulders and Chan drags his other hand across the table to wrap both of his hands around Changbin's palm again. "Albeit I may not have had things as hard as you, but everyone struggles in their own ways. And I understand. You're not alone." That makes Changbin feel a million of emotions at the same time, and the next moment he realizes when Chan's gaze turns into a worried one is when his tears have made their way down to Changbin's cheeks. _Oh_ , Changbin thinks. Maybe he knew why he decided to spill out like that. Because Chan made him feel like he mattered, like he was heard. He felt like someone was actually there for him, someone who saw him more than just a fleeting existence in a crowd of people. Changbin sat still there for a moment, tears still flowing down as he realized that these tears weren't out of sadness. He felt warm, he hasn't felt so in a while. Or maybe it could be because of Chan slipping out of his own seat to sit next to him and rubbing his back and him hugging him tightly in response. But one thing he knew for sure was that Chan was good at making him feel warm.

  
  


Moments passed, and Changbin finally loosened his grip around Chan's body and separated himself. Feeling embarrassed and with a way more improved mood, he bit his lip nervously and looked up. An apology makes its way out of Changbin's lips, although Chan looked like he didn't might it as much judging on how he was looking at Changbin with a gentle smile. "Thank you. For listening to me. I feel much better now." Chan shaked his head and smiled yet again. It seems like Chan just never stopped smiling. "No worries. I don't mind at all, actually." Chan takes his cup and finishes the leftover tea and glances up to Changbin hesitantly.

  
  


"I'm planning to go to my studio after this. Wanna come with?"

Changbin weighs his options. He doesn't have anything to do after besides work on his songs alone again, and he has a feeling that he probably won't be getting anywhere even if he did. Besides, the thought of spending even more time with Chan made Changbin's insides tingle just a little bit. 

  
  


"Sure."

  
  


Both of them end up at Chan's apartment. Chan says with a sheepish smile that he hasn't made it enough to have his own separate studio but Changbin just smiles and waves him off saying that what he had was still better than his own setup in his room. His apartment wasn't anything too big for someone living alone, even though he had a spare room that he left mostly empty for when his friends or relatives would come over. Chan had another room next to his bedroom to which he soundproofed and turned into his studio and the insides of it got Changbin's jaw dropping to the floor as he gawked at the full set-up of Chan's 'Small Studio'. It was full of equipment that Changbin would never have dreamed of using, all laid down neatly right in front of him. Chan saw his expression and kindly showed him every equipment in his studio and that got Changbin beaming every second as he listened intently to whatever Chan was saying. 

  
  


Time then passed by, with Chan showing him a few of the songs he was currently working on and Changbin shyly showing him his Soundcloud page. Chan followed him instantly after and promised he would give feedback on his songs after he properly took time to listen to them. It thrilled Changbin to be honest, to have someone so talented like Chan to listen to his music and perhaps even give some pointers. He knew it was Chan's way of helping him out, and part of him still can't help but feel a bit embarrassed but he mentally pats himself on the back as if to remind himself that this was Chan. They may not have been close for a while but he could already tell that he genuinely just wants the best for Changbin.

  
  


After checking the time, they find out that it's already past ten and that's when they decide to wrap things up. Chan jokingly offers to call an uber to which he declines, remembering how Hyunjin told him to call him when he's coming home so that he could pick him up and hear about his day with Chan as soon as possible. Typical Hyunjin.

  
  
  
  


Their routines started to merge together.

  
  


One studio session turned into another, until to the point that it has become a daily routine for the both of them. Chan would pick Changbin up after his shifts and sometimes Changbin would even go support Chan when his day offs aligned with Chan's schedule for the club, with Hyunjin in tow. Even when they're too busy to meet, they both decided to use their contact emails unironically to send unfinished tracks and lyrics to each other. It started off as a joke, Chan cheekily sending an email to Changbin just to ask if he wanted to go to their coffee shop together before Changbin's shift instead of texting him instead. To which he then replies to it saying, 'no loser. maybe if u paid for both of us'.

Needless to say, Changbin got home with a full stomach and a smile on his face.

  
  
  


Things started shifting even more on a particularly cold night in the middle of November. It was already past midnight, yet both of them were still working on a song that hasn't been going well. Trying out several variations of instruments and melodies, time passed by like a phantom and by the time Chan started yawning Changbin decided enough was enough and stopped Chan from adjusting the pitch of the melody ever so slightly. That startles Chan, his evidently tired gaze shifting onto Changbin grabbing his jacket that has been thrown haphazardly onto one of the single couches and shrugging it on.

  
  


"What?" Chan questions.

  
  


"I should get going soon. It's already past midnight."

  
  


Chan purses his lips. "You don't have a ride home."

  
  


The realization strikes Changbin and he groaned inwardly, cursing his past self for not telling Hyunjin in advance. He didn't want to wake the younger up with a phone call when he's probably just fallen asleep already, presumably because of an early shoot that he's scheduled for next morning. _Or_ , another voice inside of him says. He could also call an uber for himself like he did that very first night they met. _But did he really want that?_

  
  


"I'll walk home." Changbin mutters and Chan snorts at him softly, amusement clear in the way that he looks at him.

  
  


"Don't be ridiculous. You can just stay over, I have a spare room." Chan smiles, turning his chair to Changbin.

  
  


"If you don't mind?" Changbin mutters, unsure and Chan shakes his head.

  
  


"Seriously, Changbin. It's fine." Chan stands up, stretching his body after hours of sitting in the same position. A flash of pale skin catches Changbin's attention as Chan's shirt rides up, toned ends of Chan's abs and the waistband of his underwear making an appearance. Changbin looked away like he was struck by lighting, taking off his jacket and putting it over back on the couch as now he didn't have a reason to wear it anymore.

  
  


"Come, I'll show you the room." When Changbin snaps out of whatever that was earlier, Chan already has the studio door opened and he beckons Changbin to follow him and Changbin does.

  
  


The room is nice. Walls are plain beige, the bed is made meticulously like no one's touched it in a while. There's also a nightstand and a small coffee table in the middle with a rug.

  
  


"Uh, so there it is. The bathroom's on the left of the door. There's a spare toothbrush in the cabinet beside the sink. I'll bring you a towel and some spare clothes in a bit, I think that's it?" Chan hummed and Changbin started feeling nervous as the realization started hitting him that he was about to sleep over at someone's place that wasn't Hyunjin.

  
  


"Okay." Changbin gives Chan a smile before he goes out to get clothes for him. With the silence hanging in the air, Changbin decided to go ahead and sit on top of the bed. He felt a bit out of place, it's been years since he last slept on another bed that wasn't his or Hyunjin's. Just as he was spacing out, Chan appeared in the room again with hands full with clothing. "So, here's my spare clothing. They might be a bit bigger since I like oversized stuff." Chan said and placed a black hoodie, sweatpants and a bath towel onto the bed. "And a towel, in case you want to wash up." Changbin stood up, smiling and muttering a small thank you and Chan smiled in return. "Uh, well. If you need me I'll be around out there in the living room." He pointed his thumb behind him and Changbin nods. "I'll leave you to change, then."

  
  


A laugh comes out from Changbin's mouth as he takes his whole appearance in the small mirror in Chan's room. He looked like he was swallowed whole by Chan's hoodie, which was expected since it looked slightly oversized even on Chan. He had to fold the sweatpants' waistband once for the hem to end nicely on his ankles but overall Chan's clothes were very comfortable. And it smelt like Chan, which admittedly was a good bonus though he'd never admit that out loud. The knot in his stomach tightens once again, like it's been whenever he's with Chan recently.

  
  


He brushes off the thought, hastily grabbing the towel and leaving the room to head to the bathroom.

  
  


Changbin washes his face at the bathroom sink, wiping his face with the towel. He was too tired for a shower, he figured he could just take one when he went home the next morning. His limbs were heavy and he could feel the thick blanket of exhaustion draped all over his shoulders. He looked for a spare toothbrush, then took it out of its packaging to brush his teeth with it.

  
  


Wiping the corner of his mouth, he turned to his back and that's when he noticed Chan standing there. Changbin opens his mouth to ask why he was being silent but nothing comes out as he took Chan's appearance in. His hair was slightly wet, he must've just showered right before. Something tugs yet again on Changbin's insides as he imagined himself running a hand through those soft curls. He was wearing pajamas that look worn out, his face flushed a pretty shade of light pink.

  
  


Changbin blinks and he realizes Chan is closer to him than ever. His eyes flickered up to Chan's eyes and realized that his eyes were on his lips. Unconsciously, his own eyes found themselves onto Chan's lips. He's never focused so much on them, but he's now learning that his lips looked like the softest pillow with the shade of red that has Changbin _wanting_. He's wondering how they'd feel like against his own, how they'd taste when Chan interrupts his train of thought.

  
  


"If you won't ask, then I will." Chan takes a deep breath and it tickles Changbin's cheeks. It finally settles to him how close they actually were.

  
  


"Can I kiss you?"

  
  


Changbin's breath hitches but he nods before saying, "Yeah." His heart feels like it's gonna burst out from his chest, and he doesn't know what this makes both of them but he ignores all of that and follows what he wants the most. Chan's lips.

  
  


Chan leans in and Changbin closes his eyes, waiting expectantly. When his lips meet Chan's, he gets all of his questions answered. His chapped lips felt like the softest cloud but at the same time felt slightly rough at the edge, but it fit perfectly against Changbin's own. He was obsessed with it. The kiss started out very gentle, each of them trying to adjust to the feeling of their lips slotted against each other. Changbin wrapped his arms around Chan's neck to pull him closer and that made Chan wrap his own arms around Changbin's waist, fitting against each others' bodies like they were both made to fit each other.

  
  


Gripping Changbin's waist tighter, Chan deepened the kiss and that made Changbin release a small whine from the back of his throat and he felt Chan smile against his lips as he released Changbin's lips and tilted his head to trail kisses from his jawline down to his neck. That made Changbin shake, his knees going weak and his heart threatening to burst out from his chest with how hard it's been beating. All he can hear is his own heart, and he was almost certain Chan could exactly hear how much he affected Changbin.

  
  


Chan faces Changbin again, a fond smile on his face before pressing a gentle kiss onto his forehead. "You should sleep soon, it's really late. Goodnight, Changbin."

  
  


He unwrapped his arms around Changbin and retreated outside the bathroom, leaving Changbin to stand there with a permanent blush on his face. He spends a good minute registering what just happened into his mind before dropping his own face to his palms.

  
  


He just kissed Chan. Chan asked to kiss him. And he enjoyed it. Probably for way too much.

  
  
  


When Changbin closes his eyes for the night, he dreams of warmth.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't mean to take this long to update, oof. but things are finally starting to pick up (and also this is turning out to be more slow burn than i intended, but that's that). i hope you enjoyed this chapter full of mushy binchan :D


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